holy shit update!!!

OMG guys it has been for eh var!!! i am so sorry, i thought i couldn't get back in. i am in chatham, i am hating chatham, i cant wait to get back out of chatham, which will happen in four weeks, ish. sucks. i am thinking of going to school for animal training, which would be nice if there was an animal training school nearby that wasn't EXCLUSIVELY dogs. so annoying. wel, whatcha gonna do. So i'm still spinning my wheels here. flunking 2 classes. losing my grip on reality, all that. oh, and i'm depressed, have flirted with but eventually dismissed cutting muself, and i have fazed out my shrink and will probably never see her again. she has done absolutely nothing for me, and i dont see the point of continually throwing my money and tiem away on her. my drug connection, whatshisname, mannheimer, thinks he knows me. fucking prick. i hate shrinks. i havent been sick all winter, though, that's an upside. of what, i couldnt tell you. ugh, my stupid bitch roomate. the most paranoid person i have ever met. i mean, i'm guilty and all, but still. :) i have met homeless people on the street with more commom sense than that bitch! FUCK HER! Whew. she fucking stole the remotes and the vaccuum. who the hell does that??? I mean...what? stupid bitch. movign on.

okay, so, what else is new? still veg, tho that's not really new. joined a few more AR clubs. :) god, my room is a fucking bomb site. it's messed up. i want the fuck OUT OF HERE!! which is a shame, because the campus is absolutely stunning. i was looking forward to living here. Agh! No self pity, or whatever that is. Well, there is soem silve rlining to this, although, as Chandler said, you have to reeally wanna see it. The goddess wanted to teach me that the things i stick myself to and resolve myself unblinkingly towards are not always what's best for me. just becuase i want something with my whole heart doesn't mean that i should get it, or that it is good for me. but if i hadn't gotten in, i would never have seen that. i'd've just been full of hatred and looking back. Wondering what if, even if some part of me knew i was better off. Still, i would always wonder.
Well, there it is. my silver lining. Dammit i have got to slap some sense into my space bar. I cannot type worth a shit on this laptop. alright, well, happy belated easter beloved non-readers.
Love Shay.