Makes you think, doesn't it?

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Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Hem line rat bag?

Hey, I’m back, and in a bit better mood than before. I hate when that /\ happens. I quit chatham, too intense for me. Them’s smart people learnin. I’m listening to the new Fratellis cd, Here We Stand. Pretty damn good. I still like Costello music better, but the general consensus on the band boards is that HWS is better. Dunno. Go out and buy it! you won't regret it.
Have I mentioned Jon Fratelli is amazing?
“Won't you please forgive me but you know cold-blooded women make me sneeze"
"Look out sunshine, here's the punchline/ No one gets you anymore."
"Babydoll, do you believe they'll catch you when you fall/And when the morning comes, the sun is gonna shine"
"Some said she was saintly, to some she was a swinger/ But me I only knew her as an Acid Jazz Singer..."
"She don't walk like a cripple should/ She's Columbia's finest, oh she's better than good"
"Get it right today and you may still be here tomorrow"

etc, etc. *swoons*

Just had an interview with Cintas, cause am poor and need something to do til I decide to go back to school, which will probably be vet tech school. But i really don't want to work there. i'd have to get up at 5:00 in the morning! really not effing gonna happen.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to type when one hand is rubbing dog belly?
My hair is so frizzy its disgusting. Well, im having a hard time keeping up a solid steam of consciousness listening to this cd. Smell ya later
Shay.

POSTSCRIPT
i wrote that blog the other day, this is later. i have this voice recorder thing on my computer, and i use it as a kind of confessional, audio journal if you will. and i had the longest entry the other night, about how i'll never be happy, because the only things that will ever love me are my pets. i'll probably never have a relationship, have sex, any of that. cause dont you really need to have had a life for the first 20 years of your life to have a productive one the next 20?

people always talk about the power of positive thinking. no amount of looking into a mirror and telling myself i'm beautiful is going to give me those years back. years that i spent in a corner, in the shadow in the dark, watching other people live their lives, filling mine up with wishes instead of life. my life is destined to be that of a wandering, lonely soul. Telling myself that's not true isn't going to make it so.
I'm poor, lonely, and fucked up. my life is a shadow of a life. i don't even live my own life. i live in my mother's shadow, alwys following her around silently. the only things i have that are my owwn are my passion for animal rights, love of books, and fucked up sense of humor.

i just feel like i'm sliding backward into quicksand, and i have no one to lend me a branch. sure, family, blah blah blah, but they don't really know me. it would break their hearts.
i'll get a job, earn 2 months of money, go to vet tech school, get a job doing that, eventually earn enough money for my own apartment, hopefully downtown or somewhere close. i'll live there with my dogs, birds, and bearded dragon, probably til i die. fucking a.


now, enough with the depressed talk. ah, guck it, i'm in a depressed mood, and i have chores to do. Bye.

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